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Thread Contributor: VitriolMYPROANA.COM EXPOSED [MYPROANA MPA EXPOSED] (PART 2)
#61
how would someone theoretically... hack mpa accounts?
for injection script dont you need a powerful computer/machine?

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#62
(03-29-2018, 12:24 AM)CopeForLife Wrote: how would someone theoretically... hack mpa accounts?
for injection script dont you need a powerful computer/machine?
SHOW GF

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#63
(03-26-2018, 09:16 PM)mushroom Wrote: The site seems to be dying recently tbh, they're already migrating to another site but it gets way less traffic and will never live up to the old site. I just went to check out whats been happening quickly, they're all complaining how shit the site is now.

Only thing i miss about mpa is complaining about being depressed with other depressed people sigh,
i've only purged like twice since leaving so worth it lmao, bitching about them is also way more fun, never realised how deluded they are till i left.

When I was on MPA, I was in my direst state. I was at the height of my depression, eating disorder (consider I had an ED for at least 5 years before stumbling upon MPA), and my suicidal ideation was intense. I would research suicide methods extensively, not because I was going to do it, but I coped with fantasizing of it because my life, while moving on, was shit. I felt extremely robotic, emotionless; an irritable, anxious mess who was caffeine-fueled and dragging to finish the day.  I would peer over high places to gauge the feasibility of the place in question as a suicide spot, I’d go to famous suicide spots, I’d read about a lot of suicides, what works and what doesn’t (based on probability). I was desensitized too because of traumatic experiences in my younger years.
 
Pretty good stories. I talk a lot I know. There was one night where I finished work late and I was just sitting in my car and dozing off, and before you knew it I slept in my car. I woke up a lot later, about 2AM. I was reading about the famous suicide spot in Sydney, “The Gap” so I thought I should check it out, because it was a short drive away. I read online that they built a fence around it. I went there and sure enough I saw that they erected a fence around it because of the suicides, but I could easily get over it if I wanted to (it was only 150cm). Anyway, after I checked it out, I was sitting on the bench, earphones in, listening to a very depressing Evanescence song. About a minute later, two police officers tap me on my shoulder, which made me almost jump from fear (thinking I was getting mugged). I took my earphones out and they said “you walked a bit too close to the fence, do you need help?”. I stood up and looked at both and said with all deliberate seriousness “are you saying that I could throw myself over? In that case you guys shouldn’t worry, I would never kill myself” releasing with a laugh. We all laughed, and they went away. There was a really similar occurrence to this when I came back to the place later. All the while I was thinking how ideal this suicide spot was because the jumper would fall onto rocks below and it’s a heck of a fall, but there was serious surveillance of the area, which made me very uneasy.

That was just the type of person I was. I was always hiding my situation because I knew the cause and couldn’t get myself over particular mental barriers that would fix my issues, rendering everyone’s advice useless. There was a time when I was walking at the beach and it was late night. I just screamed loudly in frustration with my life, and there was a late teens girl who I didn’t see (she was behind a pole) and she was like “are you alright?”. We talked for a bit (I think she was low key scared of me at the time because she was about to run when I walked towards her). I asked her if she wanted to walk around with me (no ulterior motive), she got up and couldn’t even walk in a straight line (I realized that she was quite drunk but she wasn’t hysterical). She almost tripped, so I grabbed her and lowered her to the ground (the sand) and talked to her more, offered her some money (not that she looked homeless, she was very well kept). She refused.  Eventually I just left. It must have been 3AM. Never got her full name but I do wonder what became of her. She was very weird, and to be fair so was I. She told me she was 20. She asked me if I ever eat, I told her “no, I photosynthesize”.
 
I told myself, “why the fuck am I so weak, this 130lb chick almost brought me down with her”. It was little things like that which made me feel pretty emasculated. I was generally sexually invisible to my girlfriend and women in general when I was at low weights, unless the girl had a niche for it (there were some, but they were batshit insane). But I was ill. I enjoyed female attention, but I enjoyed my eating disorder more.  I did like aspects of it. It was fun to test the limits, I loved (or love) the fiery hunger burn, in a way I loved feeling depressed after I acclimated to it and feeling normal, felt off, wrong and uncomfortable. I loved swallowing 400mg of caffeine pills at once on an empty stomach, drinking cold water and feeling it hit my stomach. I loved getting off, 4-5 days into a fast and my body would just shake and vibrate afterwards, and it would feel out of this world. I loved that I could eat anything I wanted to and still find a way to be lighter than 99% of the population. I loved that girls felt uneasy around me, thinking that I’ll judge them for being a lot heavier than me, when I couldn’t care less about anyone else’s weight. I loved that I hid in plain sight and even anorexic girls didn’t suspect that I had an eating disorder and they’d rave on about my fast metabolism. I understood how ill they were and we were going through the same thing. I loved a lot of things. People don’t talk about this and it’s sad. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but it’s not all storms either.
 
That’s perhaps one of the only good things that came out of my eating disorder; that I understood mental illness deeply, and I understood why people commit suicide. Before, I was insensitive to mental illness and thought people should just get over their anorexia, but it’s not that easy if you have environmental factors that cling and continue. Suicide is selfish, sure. What’s more selfish is the people who weren’t there when you needed them the most. People who have close circles of friends who are constantly in contact and doing things with them never feel quite isolated enough to commit suicide, compared to the loner who nobody wants to befriend because he or she, inter alia, is a severe mental case and is tired of hiding it. I was something in between; in a crumbling relationship but otherwise lonely. Of course I isolated myself because I was ashamed of how far I let my eating disorder go, so I self-sabotaged.
 
After someone commits suicide, hundreds of people who talked to them once in their whole life will come forward and say that they were their best friend, and that they know things that many others don’t, when the person claiming this might not have talked to her in five years. I think the social attitude to suicide is a joke. Privilege trying to understand the disadvantaged is like a rich man sleeping on the floor of his bedroom in his three-million-dollar house, with the windows open in the middle of the winter, claiming that he consequently understands the pain of homeless people.  It’s easy to say that I’m not going to commit suicide because I’m in good health and have things going for me, but if I felt like that I was getting stabbed every two seconds in the stomach and I was so physically impaired that it was like an endless, slow torture, and I had other worsening conditions, I would absolutely want to end my life. People in situations like this should be afforded medically assisted suicide.
 
I think it’s disgusting that people in painful medical situations are forced to try risky suicide methods that might not succeed. Suicide isn’t the answer, but it’s an answer sometimes. Suicide is not the answer when you’re an overly emotional teen making an impulsive decision. It is an answer, however, and this is the unfortunate truth. The world isn’t pretty. We seem to care little about people starving in the third world, dying every minute, but we somehow, irreconcilably condemn anyone who was living a miserable, painful life, and who decided to kill themselves. Disgusting. We quantify human life according to geography and personal preference, by the same society that tells you that we’re all on equal footing. People are being burned alive by ISIS and nobody cares. We’re too immersed in our own worlds.
 
There was someone in an American jail who was on death row. Suddenly he had medical episode where if left alone for another minute, he was going to die. They took him to the hospital, performed emergency surgery on him and stabilized his condition. The following week, the state killed him by lethal injection. This sort of thing is what I reserve my real outrage for. The medical community values quantity of life over quality of life and will save anyone knowing that they will be living a miserable life or awaiting the ghastly fate of the death bed in a mere week. There was another guy who was about to be sentenced to death. His last meal was a pecan pie. He ate half and told the officers that he wanted to save the half for later, not appreciating that he was being marched into his death. “The law doesn’t execute the mentally ill” is just as valid as the sky is purple. He was executed. Vengeance is not justice; vengeance is vengeance. If someone killed my loved one, I would be angered and wish death upon them, but it’s not really justice, even if that’s my subjective view of it. It’s vengeance. I’m harboring the same desire that he once harbored over my loved one. It’s really that simple. On some level, I would be guilty of murder too. There’s a lot of blackness in this word that’s brushed under the rug. The same guys who are seeking the death penalty for people under broken legal systems are the same guys who drink expensive wine and eat at 5-star restaurants, and remark that one of the jurors has a nice ass. It's really sad. 
 

(03-29-2018, 12:24 AM)CopeForLife Wrote: how would someone theoretically... hack mpa accounts?
for injection script dont you need a powerful computer/machine?

There's two main forms of hacking. The first is hacking by opportunity and manipulation. If you want to hack old accounts, you can search for emails on the site that people post publicly say from 2013, 2014 and go sign up with the (mainly targeting hotmail) addresses. With the conversion to outlook that everyone made in 2013-2014 at the forgoing of their Hotmail accounts, there sprung a stream of hackers exploiting the fact that they could sign up with deleted emails and get all accounts attached to that account. In the case of MPA, you’d simply send a recovery email from MPA to their email, after you’ve assumed ownership of the account and reset their password that way. I think someone here tried it and managed to hack an account or two from 2013, though I’m not going to expose him (he is a banned user if that makes things obvious).
 
There’s nothing technically illegal about this. You’re registering an available email account but whether there is legal transference of ownership of all the attributable accounts to your account is a case by case assessment. In the case of assuming control over an MPA account, there’s nothing illegal about this as the owner of an MPA account isn’t afforded the sense of legal ownership (there’s varying degrees of ownership that correspond to varying rights and entitlements) of say a bank account, or a PayPal account, because their real identity is often not tied to it. You don’t sign up on MPA with your full name or credit card, so it’s hard to prove ownership retrospectively, and if you can prove it, the nature and extent of your ownership. If you’re hacking their PayPal via your newly obtained email, yes, it’s fraudulent, particularly if it can be established that there was a conspiracy to extort the individual (in this case you will receive the full weight of the law on your head). Of course, someone who is hacking credit cards and bank accounts generally isn’t going to use their connection, but generality doesn’t cover the stupidity of some criminals.
 
The manipulative element requires patience and calculation where the email can’t be registered. Microsoft has somewhat patched this security flaw, in that you can’t answer someone’s recovery question to reset their password unless they haven’t logged on for 4 days. It’s possible. Sometimes people don’t check their emails for a week, depending on how important that email is to them. With the security question revealed, your objective is to get the answer to it, and the success of which will depend entirely on your ability to socially engineer people. A hacker posing as an attractive male, who is throwing jokes, left right and center, and says “hey! Do you have any pets?” She’ll say “yeah!” and he’ll say, “well what’s its name?” and she’ll reveal the name, whereupon the hacker can answer the “what’s the name of your pet” question on her email.
 
This is a very old-fashioned way of hacking and the prospects of success have decreased profoundly over the last 5 or 10 years. In 2005 you could hack just about anyone with this method, because people were less aware of security and the platform itself was more forgiving with the amount of security flaws it had. I’ve looked through some password databases on pastebin and sometimes up to 30% of people had a password that was their birthdate or their first and last name. A surprising amount of people use passwords of this form so you can technically try to guess the passwords before you try any of this. When a friend of a friend committed suicide, at the instruction of his parents I hacked his facebook account simply by guessing his password. It was his first and last name. It was my third or fourth guess and I got in. People don’t want to be carrying a piece of paper around with a complex 50-character password of numbers and symbols just to safeguard against hackers. Someone like Evelyn or me would have such a complex password but for the average person on their ordinary social media accounts, their passwords are memorable and easy, but simplicity doesn’t correlate with external guessability. If your password is the name of your grandfather with a few numbers at the end, that’s not an easily guessable password, but a memorable one subjectively.
 
If someone would really like to destroy the site, what they would do is hack the admin account, and delete everything once they’re in it. It’s an extremely tedious task, though, and I’m not sure that I have the technical knowledge to delve into how to do that, nor is it in the public interest to. A lot of people on MPA sign up with their personal emails and the importance of privacy outweighs the shutting down of the site, in my opinion anyway. When the Ashley Madison leak happened, lots of high class guys were outed for being on a dating site when they’re married with children. That shit destroys families. Yes it’s unacceptable that a married man is on a site designed to purposely cheat (oldcels don’t conduct experiments), but if it was just a curiosity and they never did anything, and because of that immature insecurity their family is torn apart with the children in the middle, yes it’s problematic.
 
Likewise, if you’re working a high-class job and you’re posting on myproana, and it’s revealed that your personal email was used to sign up on there, you will be condemned as degenerate and pro-anorexic by the general community, because the site entails degeneration and pro-anorexia. It’s really that simple. People don’t have mercy. Once you’re outed for something condemnable, everything comes down on you. In some cases, family will turn on you, friends will absolutely turn on you, and you’ll find yourself with nobody. There’s nothing wrong with this per se, it’s just the competitive nature of humans wanting to wipe out competition, but my general recommendation is that you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer, never trust anyone too much and never form attachments to people because people change and move on. Visuospatial attachment is fine but never attach with true intensity and authenticity.
 
Reputation is important for people, notwithstanding the legality concern. I wouldn’t want to be outed as the owner of this site, because for the most part, we talk about ideas that aren’t socially malleable. Society wants you to believe that looks don’t matter, gender is an alterable concept, race doesn’t matter, and nothing matters; society wants you to buy in the myth of equal opportunity, grandstanding the idea that you can be whatever you want to be, but we aren’t equal, and we will never be equal. This is a brutal reality that makes people unreceptive to the ideas presented on this site and ones like it. It follows that any affiliation with this site will affect the reputation of the affiliated highly negatively. I think I would be shunned if I was outed as the owner of this site. Therefore, I lie about several things to throw people off. That doesn’t mean we’re equally as condemnable as MPA, because MPA causes mass deaths and is generally a destructive site, but we do have that mutual quality of being outlandish.
 
Not to get too carried away, the second and main way of hacking the site is not by brute forcing like you’re suggesting. How can you brute force a database that you don’t even have access to? You could technically brute force it if you have access to the database and a powerful computer to run the brute force, but it’s really hit and miss. The dictionaries used to penetrate the database won’t work for 50% of users, generally. With the IPB format the more ideal way would be to find exploits in the format (emails, passwords, hashes that you can decrypt). This is done by running a client that runs queries on the site. This again is very multifaceted, and very illegal. You’re stealing the administrators intellectual property; more than just an account but the actual forum and the administrative side of it. It’s absolutely against the law and I wouldn’t encourage anyone to try, howsoever easy. The law is having a big shift on intellectual property matters, seeking to enforce the full weight of the statute on benign matters to send a message to the rest of the community: “if you commit a crime on the internet, you will be punished with two hammers and not one”. There was a guy who hacked into a government database here, only a tiny part of it, and didn’t do anything with the information (not even download a copy), and he was sentenced to something outrageous like 15 years. I agree that the site is better dead than alive, but we should leave it to die in its natural course. It’s only a matter of time.
 
The Lookism admin is better than the MPA admin, and that’s saying something. NASA will stop lying before the MPA admin runs the site properly. He’s a ridiculous administrator, everything bad about the site aside. Do you know how EASY it is to transfer a cloud server over to a new cloud? It is literally a 3-hour process with a site of that scale, all on autopilot and maybe another 40 minutes to install the new forum format. The site can be fixed in mere hours, but the administrator has remained stagnant for about two years. He likes to portray fixing the site as an enormous undertaking that requires start-of-art equipment and renowned experts in the field to achieve, when it is one of the easiest things that you can do. A monkey could fix the site. He has scant idea on how to run a site, and he chose the worst possible moderators for the forum, probably laughing with himself as he did it. It’s as if he sat down and said, “let’s find the most judgmental, leftist, overzealous, unfair, inconsistent, drama-promoting, rule-breaking, calculating individuals to moderate the site” and they came up with the moderator team. The argument commonly used is that people don’t want to host them or help them because they’re a pro-anorexic site but newsflash, they are using cloudflare as a host LOL. It’s so easy to find hosts that would host gore sites and other illegal content. It’s a few clicks away, and you don’t even need to go to that extent for a site like MPA.

"Your genes are pretty fucked up I'll tell you that," a poster with an anime avatar told the teen point blank."
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#64
(03-29-2018, 02:51 PM)Vitriol Wrote: When I was on MPA, I was in my direst state. I was at the height of my depression, eating disorder (consider I had an ED for at least 5 years before stumbling upon MPA), and my suicidal ideation was intense. I would research suicide methods extensively, not because I was going to do it, but I coped with fantasizing of it because my life, while moving on, was shit. I felt extremely robotic, emotionless; an irritable, anxious mess who was caffeine-fueled and dragging to finish the day.  I would peer over high places to gauge the feasibility of the place in question as a suicide spot, I’d go to famous suicide spots, I’d read about a lot of suicides, what works and what doesn’t (based on probability). I was desensitized too because of traumatic experiences in my younger years.

Tbh i think i only dabbled on mpa the months i was at my worst mental health, i only heavily relied on it after i nearly died because it was the only thing i could cling on to. Like after everyone finds out you tried to do something really stupid they get all angry and blamey on you (fun fact, when i had to speak to my school about the event, they straight away told me how selfish it was as a member of staff could of been traumatized from my dead body lmao), mpa was the one place people didn't hate my guts lmao. It was mostly my environment that destroyed my mental health, i had a very traumatic experience that just taught me there is no way anyone gives a shit about me. So I was caught in this limbo where i was still heavily depressed but couldn't try to die again (fear it will go horribly wrong again) or get help, so my ed helped me cope. It was weird though, it wasn't restrictive like it used to be, i just went all in bulimic for 6 months -i think i was just very unstable mentally- and i like to think its nearly gone away now. But this was during a time frame where i was alone 24/7, i lost my social life so mpa was my only social interaction, so i just happened to spend a lot of time on there. I don't like mpa for the reason it just normalised my behavior, or even invalidated it because it wasn't as bad as others on there. The site just reinforced a self destructive belief system in my head. I only deleted it in the end because 1) i tried my best efforts to stop purging but i couldn't stop it, so i needed to do everything i could alter my mindset somewhere healthier, and 2) i needed to forget somebody i had grown too close to on there. Tbh i'm not planning on stopping restricting, i just hated the bulimia because i could feel the impact a lot harder on my body, like i felt like my heart was gonna just stop all the time, and purging 5 times a day just becomes all you think about and its just tiring.

I remember being at a height, although i'd call it a low. I think the idea of suicide only becomes more and more appealing the further down you fall. Idk, most people use the metaphor of a deep hole to explain it, but like a hole that gets narrower and narrower as your options do at the same time. I just remember getting to a point where i had only 2 options, which was to get help or kill myself, i think it always ends that way, however the first option didn't seem appealing at all because it didn't fit in with my belief system at the time (suicide seems completely rational at a point). I honestly have no clue why i am not in the same depressed hole i was a year ago, i remember my feelings distinctly and my old journal gives me an indication where my head was. I somehow managed to rationalise that every inch of my life was a failure so even if i were to get help, it would be pointless, because there is no helping anything when you are more sure than anything else in the world that your life is predetermined to end early.

I remember having this wall, i still go sit on it sometimes because its a cool castle wall, but it was high, and there was a comfort looking down. I think most very depressed people whirl up thinking about suicide a lot even when you wouldn't even dare to eventually. It is a comfort to think at any time, if you wanted to, you can escape your life at a time when it feels so claustrophobic. Fuck it still is for me, but i can see right now why it isn't a good idea currently at this point in my life, i can bare everything moderately right now anyway. Suicidal ideation really is just a coping mechanism, I still use it to calm myself down a little when i take a look at how bad my education is going sometimes. I think having a perfect view of what you want your life to be also is a factor for me, its like if something doesn't go to plan i have to scrap it and start again, failure just isn't an option, that's why i refuse to drop out of college even though its only worsening my mental health like x5 lmao.

But from a more rational perspective, i can only agree with you that suicide is a real option for some people, and i don't think it should be taken away from them.
Have you ever heard of Adam Maier Clayton? I haven't watched him in a long time, but he has this incurable mental illness where his brain basically puts him in constant physical pain. He fought for the right to have euthanasia for his condition in canada i think, because while it is legal there, mental illness is not something you are allowed to be euthanised for. He killed himself in a hotel room eventually and he knew that was his fate. He really shines an insight into the whole euthanasia argument tbh, but it just seems so obvious to me that if someone is in so much incurable pain, they can make their own decision, no one should make that for them.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClksfs-...9uCagJ49lA

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#65
(03-29-2018, 04:04 PM)mushroom Wrote: Tbh i think i only dabbled on mpa the months i was at my worst mental health, i only heavily relied on it after i nearly died because it was the only thing i could cling on to. Like after everyone finds out you tried to do something really stupid they get all angry and blamey on you (fun fact, when i had to speak to my school about the event, they straight away told me how selfish it was as a member of staff could of been traumatized from my dead body lmao), mpa was the one place people didn't hate my guts lmao. It was mostly my environment that destroyed my mental health, i had a very traumatic experience that just taught me there is no way anyone gives a shit about me. So I was caught in this limbo where i was still heavily depressed but couldn't try to die again (fear it will go horribly wrong again) or get help, so my ed helped me cope. It was weird though, it wasn't restrictive like it used to be, i just went all in bulimic for 6 months -i think i was just very unstable mentally- and i like to think its nearly gone away now. But this was during a time frame where i was alone 24/7, i lost my social life so mpa was my only social interaction, so i just happened to spend a lot of time on there. I don't like mpa for the reason it just normalised my behavior, or even invalidated it because it wasn't as bad as others on there. The site just reinforced a self destructive belief system in my head. I only deleted it in the end because 1) i tried my best efforts to stop purging but i couldn't stop it, so i needed to do everything i could alter my mindset somewhere healthier, and 2) i needed to forget somebody i had grown too close to on there. Tbh i'm not planning on stopping restricting, i just hated the bulimia because i could feel the impact a lot harder on my body, like i felt like my heart was gonna just stop all the time, and purging 5 times a day just becomes all you think about and its just tiring.

I remember being at a height, although i'd call it a low. I think the idea of suicide only becomes more and more appealing the further down you fall. Idk, most people use the metaphor of a deep hole to explain it, but like a hole that gets narrower and narrower as your options do at the same time. I just remember getting to a point where i had only 2 options, which was to get help or kill myself, i think it always ends that way, however the first option didn't seem appealing at all because it didn't fit in with my belief system at the time (suicide seems completely rational at a point). I honestly have no clue why i am not in the same depressed hole i was a year ago, i remember my feelings distinctly and my old journal gives me an indication where my head was. I somehow managed to rationalise that every inch of my life was a failure so even if i were to get help, it would be pointless, because there is no helping anything when you are more sure than anything else in the world that your life is predetermined to end early.

I remember having this wall, i still go sit on it sometimes because its a cool castle wall, but it was high, and there was a comfort looking down. I think most very depressed people whirl up thinking about suicide a lot even when you wouldn't even dare to eventually. It is a comfort to think at any time, if you wanted to, you can escape your life at a time when it feels so claustrophobic. Fuck it still is for me, but i can see right now why it isn't a good idea currently at this point in my life, i can bare everything moderately right now anyway. Suicidal ideation really is just a coping mechanism, I still use it to calm myself down a little when i take a look at how bad my education is going sometimes. I think having a perfect view of what you want your life to be also is a factor for me, its like if something doesn't go to plan i have to scrap it and start again, failure just isn't an option, that's why i refuse to drop out of college even though its only worsening my mental health like x5 lmao.

But from a more rational perspective, i can only agree with you that suicide is a real option for some people, and i don't think it should be taken away from them.
Have you ever heard of Adam Maier Clayton? I haven't watched him in a long time, but he has this incurable mental illness where his brain basically puts him in constant physical pain. He fought for the right to have euthanasia for his condition in canada i think, because while it is legal there, mental illness is not something you are allowed to be euthanised for. He killed himself in a hotel room eventually and he knew that was his fate. He really shines an insight into the whole euthanasia argument tbh, but it just seems so obvious to me that if someone is in so much incurable pain, they can make their own decision, no one should make that for them.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClksfs-...9uCagJ49lA

Apologies for my late reply. I've had a crammed few days and wanted to reply to you properly. Being on MPA is like a serious drug addiction; it creates serious problems for the abuser but if they withdraw suddenly and don't slowly taper off, in the case of MPA analogously leaving them without social communication, that could be too much, too soon, and cause an overly emotional response (i.e. suicide) (contrasted with the physical response of death stemming from a fast drug withdrawal).  Loneliness is a double edged sword; you kill yourself because of it and nobody remembers you because of it, which only further's your desire to die knowing that nobody cares. For a long time it was my social media, because my eating disorder was my life, so I wanted somewhere to talk about my life. On "your boyfriend", if you can remember back to that account, I made a lot of bizarre threads which were designed to make me hate myself even more for having an eating disorder, hoping that would fuel my recovery. It worked. I would make threads like "if you were a guy, would you have an eating disorder?" and the majority of girls were adamant that they wouldn't, and that fueled my recovery. At least one person caught onto what I was doing.

There's nothing wrong with having a mild eating disorder if your current state encompasses a degree of improvement. It's not ideal but we don't live in an ideal world. I definitely didn't recover overnight and I don't think anyone truly does. It was a gradual release of behaviors, one at a time, before I could even think about getting healthier and gaining weight. I had a serious, almost insurmountable laxative issue and I had problems of not being able to find a happy medium between extreme binging and extreme fasting. I had a lot of issues. I thought that I would never stop binging for one and I felt like I had already caused irreversible damage to myself. I'm sure I did. I've mentioned this briefly but permanent effects of my eating disorder include but are not limited to, loss of eye color (I used to have very light green eyes), loss of sensitivity in a part of my back, erection issues, propensity for depression, a much slower mind, reduced attention span, etc. The last two or three can be somewhat mitigated with drugs but in my natural state the hindrances remain. 

I'm going on 2 years since I started recovering and these issues are still there. I have little hope that any of them would improve, much like shattered glass. I've gone up to 85kg in the hopes of reversing the issue, unsurprisingly to no avail. Right now I'm 75kg or so. In the first year of my disorder I used to restrict water and I barely ate anything, lost my sex drive completely, and it was about then that my eyes suddenly darkened. It was very rapid (the darkening); over a week at best. People had forever accused me of wearing contacts (despite seeing my parents) and now that my eyes were actually a lot darker, they started to say "I knew it, you were wearing contacts". I had to energy to battle the silliness so I would just move past them. My laxative abuse caused the issue with my back. Doctors generally agree that it was a dangerous level of dehydration which destroyed some nerves. I've thrown away thousands of dollars to try to regain sensitivity and no doctor can produce a result. It doesn't bother me during the course of things; I don't even register the insensitivity anymore, but it's obviously an issue. I've had erection issues for so long that I've just learned how to manage it and what fringe medications to take to help flood blow to that area (avoiding viagra most of the time because I'm too young to be reliant on it). My brain used to process things a lot faster. Now I need more breaks, but it's gotten better over the years. That's the only thing I can see returning to normal but I don't hold my flag too high for anything else. I did lose a bit of height initially but it came back very quickly with weight gain (within 6 months of starting recovery).

There are permanent effects associated with eating disorders. It was easy to discount them when I was 17 years old with a severe superiority complex that I felt was patted on the head when I restricted or fasted, or binged and avoided weight gain. It's very easy to say -then- that "weight gain reverses everything" but there are irreversible effects to starvation, binging, purging and everything in between. I did do extreme things but some people engage in greater extremities. Age doesn't save us anymore; it might ameliorate the complete potential of the side effects, but it won't completely alleviate them. For older people, it's even worse. There was an older woman who lost 4 inches of height due to her anorexia. She'll never regain that height. I'm lucky that I didn't lose my fertility. There were times where I went months without a sex drive. That was really only an issue in the first 2 years or so of my eating disorder since my behaviors were geared to binging after that, resulting in a stably high sex drive. Before that though, a 10/10 woman would walk in front of me and I would have 0 response and it could have been a guy for all I cared. It ruined a relationship for me too. A lot of people who have anorexia consider themselves "asexual" but it's their suppressed hormone levels that results in a lack of sexual attraction. "Well I still get my period so my hormones are fine" isn't all that true. 

On MPA there's a disproportionately high amount of 'asexual' people and just like the disproportionately high presence of many obscure categories of sexuality and gender on there, this isn't a mystery. There's a strong link between anorexia and experiencing gender dysphoria too. When you restrict as a guy, your T goes way down and your E goes way up, making you feel female. I've seen a cismale transition and he's caused irreversible changes to himself that I think he later seriously regretted (based on the messages he sent me the last time I was there about de-transitioning). Likewise, I've seen girls transition (I know one in real life) and she's been chronically suicidal for years; a total shut in and entirely dysfunctional. Hormones are extremely powerful. It's daring enough to play with hormones of your own gender, but to give yourself an overload of T when you're female or an overload of E when you're male is a serious, serious decision, that everybody is quick to undermine in the fear of being called transphobic, but it ruins lives. There are people who go on hormones at 13, 14 years old, lots of them, and their lives are forever destroyed. Females experience a slightly different hormonal change, in that their T and E go way down, so they feel more androgynous than female or male, but that androgynous feeling might instil uncertainty and make them want to transition in the hopes of creating an identity that they can associate with. It's also a slightly longer process for females, with greater thresholds. There is some confusion over essential levels of body fat for woman and men, with the common literature stating that men can survive at 3-5% body fat whereas women would be dead at anything below 10%. We know now that it's decidedly bullshit. 'Essential' to me means life or death, not whether a woman has sufficient body fat to give birth. We see lots of cases where women are close to 5% body fat and they're still living. I think in general, with that caveat out of the way, women handle starvation much better than males, because men naturally have a higher energy requirements, so they suffer the same with less restriction (i.e. they suffer more). It catches up to everyone, male, female or horse, and that's the only thing that ultimately matters.

My general recommendation to anyone with an eating disorder is "recover as much as you can". If that means getting slightly better, it's not risk elimination but risk reduction, and that's better than nothing or getting worse. There is no "maintenance" with an eating disorder. Technically even maintaining your weight, in a bad position, will cause deterioration as time goes on. In any event, most people don't maintain and they slowly lose more because as long as you have an eating disorder, there is no stopping point. It's never enough because the disorder is rooted in a hypersensitivity to imperfections, which is a model that creates problems out of nothing. In other words, an anorexic could be on her death bed and still pinch away at what is ultimately skin, upset that she hasn't lost that yet. Like I said before, most people want to look 'good' per social standards and if true, there will always be a measure of disorder or obsession with food and exercise. It's really that simple, but you can have a healthy disorder and obsession that takes nothing if anything off your life span (unless it's an extreme case of a bodybuilder on grams and grams of steroids perpetually). 

I haven't heard of Adam but his story seems fascinating. I'll definitely check it out. I did use suicide as a security. I couldn't go through with it ultimately for several reasons. First, I felt sorry for my parents, because there are few greater pains than your child predeceasing you. For another, my girlfriend would have suffered a lot too. I was too tied to her and was a big part of her life and knew she wouldn't be able to cope. I was already counseling her about her own issues, so for the helper to off himself would have been a gross twist. On top of that, I knew I was fucked up but I wasn't irredeemable, therefore suicide wasn't ever taken seriously as something that might happen. It was more of a very serious intellectual exercise that gave me a sense of security, like you said knowing that you can escape at any time. It can also help with dealing with de-stressing situations that you'd be nervous about, though it's not exactly recommended that everyone forms a suicidal ideation. For a while I did think of making it look like an accident but there was too much of a trail. They'd pull apart my laptops to pieces so I'd have to burn it in a field. They'd trace my internet history and sometimes on non-vpn connections I would make searches relating to suicide, and I can't get rid of what my ISP holds. If I'm using a poison to make everything look as clean as possible, well there's going to be traces of the poision around me, whether in the cup I'm drinking from or the food I'm eating. I can't hide a bottle of something after I'm dead and I can't get rid of traces after I'm dead. So it is very hard for a suicide to come off as an accident. If anyone with a half a brain takes your death seriously (which people will) they'll figure it out really quickly. Nembutal is by far the most painless way to die and the smell is eye-widening. It's ghastly. Even if there's a drop of it left in a cup, people will know whatever it is, it's not meant to be in the human body, and conveniently situated next to a dead person. It was really exciting to research and I learned a lot, similar to how I learned a lot about nutrition during my eating disorder.

"Your genes are pretty fucked up I'll tell you that," a poster with an anime avatar told the teen point blank."
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#66
(04-01-2018, 10:49 AM)Vitriol Wrote: If I'm using a poison to make everything look as clean as possible, well there's going to be traces of the poision around me, whether in the cup I'm drinking from or the food I'm eating. I can't hide a bottle of something after I'm dead and I can't get rid of traces after I'm dead. So it is very hard for a suicide to come off as an accident. If anyone with a half a brain takes your death seriously (which people will) they'll figure it out really quickly. Nembutal is by far the most painless way to die and the smell is eye-widening. It's ghastly. Even if there's a drop of it left in a cup, people will know whatever it is, it's not meant to be in the human body, and conveniently situated next to a dead person.
Not to encourage this in general, but wouldn't drinking/eating it in a pool completely solve this problem?

TransistorBass-303 Wrote:I need Fat Acceptance because the alternative is self improvement.

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#67
(04-02-2018, 01:41 AM)TheGreatCornholio Wrote: Not to encourage this in general, but wouldn't drinking/eating it in a pool completely solve this problem?


It's a genius idea conditional on the person not leaving anything behind that would indicate their motives. The ideal would be at the beach and do it, so the cup that you're drinking from can't be discovered, whereas a dead body and a cup in a pool looks very suspicious.

Generally though, hen someone below the age of senility dies, people want answers and they'll go to whatever lengths necessary to get them. I had a mutual friend who reformatted his computer, acted perhaps 'too normal' (historically he was depressed and suddenly he was happy) which people keyed on, and he was asking random people for forgiveness on benign things a few days before his purportedly accidental death. So people put two and two together after his death (he went with the sodium nitrate or nitrite method; I can't remember exactly but the distinction though subtle, is critical). They pulled his computer apart and recovered everything, looked at his internet history permanently stored with the ISP, etc. 

From day one, most suicidal people aren't making searches on VPN's or trying to cover their tracks. It's only when you come close to it that you come to the bitter realization that you've left an enormous paper trail behind. There was another guy who decided to throw his laptop in the trash and his family spent weeks in the landfill until they found the disintegrated laptop with the hard drive still functioning. The only foolproof way of leaving no motive behind is to never make searches from your connection from the beginning and burn everything that you own in a field (phone, computer, etc). And acting very normal is key. If you've been depressed for a long time and everyone knows that, stay approximately a the same level of depression. People will check everything you own, unless you are completely friendless with no family left alive, which defeats the need of making it look like an accident because there's nobody to quell. The idea that parents and family like to remain in denial so they'll accept your suicide as an accident is largely a meme. 

Most people don't bother trying to make it look accidental because depending on their past behavior the feat could be insurmountably difficult. The people who really bother with this aren't trying to fool family as much as they are insurance companies. If you have $1m+ life insurance and you want your wife and children to collect on it, the trouble is worth going through. In the case of younger people it's usually to fool family though.

"Your genes are pretty fucked up I'll tell you that," a poster with an anime avatar told the teen point blank."
Reply
#68
sorry for the late reply, i find it hard to find the words sometimes.

(04-01-2018, 10:49 AM)Vitriol Wrote: My laxative abuse caused the issue with my back. Doctors generally agree that it was a dangerous level of dehydration which destroyed some nerves. I've thrown away thousands of dollars to try to regain sensitivity and no doctor can produce a result. It doesn't bother me during the course of things; I don't even register the insensitivity anymore, but it's obviously an issue.
i didnt know laxative abuse could do that?  i knew it could do some decent damage long term, like it can really mess up your brain, but i've never heard of anyone having that side effect. Does that cause you any trouble?

(04-01-2018, 10:49 AM)Vitriol Wrote: On MPA there's a disproportionately high amount of 'asexual' people and just like the disproportionately high presence of many obscure categories of sexuality and gender on there, this isn't a mystery. There's a strong link between anorexia and experiencing gender dysphoria too. When you restrict as a guy, your T goes way down and your E goes way up, making you feel female. I've seen a cismale transition and he's caused irreversible changes to himself that I think he later seriously regretted (based on the messages he sent me the last time I was there about de-transitioning). Likewise, I've seen girls transition (I know one in real life) and she's been chronically suicidal for years; a total shut in and entirely dysfunctional. Hormones are extremely powerful. It's daring enough to play with hormones of your own gender, but to give yourself an overload of T when you're female or an overload of E when you're male is a serious, serious decision, that everybody is quick to undermine in the fear of being called transphobic, but it ruins lives. There are people who go on hormones at 13, 14 years old, lots of them, and their lives are forever destroyed. 
That last sentence is the reason i've been called transphobic lmao. I'm not strongly opinionated on many things but this topic really upsets me. I used to be all for this crap when i was younger, used to go to pride, etc. But it never came to mind until i just really thought about the T in lgbt, they group a mental disorder with sexualities, and when you go to pride and they're all parading how gay they are and how great it is, you also have 'trans' (85% im sure are just going thru a phase) people doing the same. The more i thought about that the more messed up i realised it is, its so obviously openly encouraged, especially to very young and impressionable minds. Now the same happens with homosexuality, but there isnt anything wrong with being gay, and growing up you figure out who you like naturally, there is no harm in testing other waters, etc. But then you hear about kids getting hormones, and its praised! Its obviously child abuse to me, and there's nothing i hate more than how easy and encouraged it is to let children make irreversible changes to their body. A lot of things bother be in that community though, its like nobody even talks about curing gender dysphoria, as in therapeutic treatment and such, it seems like the best idea is just skip to transitioning, rather than dealing with the real issue in this persons head, and they wonder why they have such a high chance of attempting suicide.
It just isn't treated like a disorder, its treated like homosexuality.

(04-01-2018, 10:49 AM)Vitriol Wrote: It's really that simple, but you can have a healthy disorder and obsession that takes nothing if anything off your life span.

Ideal end goal tbh, i just want to have a high enough calorie intake that doesn't cause me to die early or hair to fall out, but the main one being is staying fertile, being infertile sounds like one of my worst nightmares tbh. Its already happened to a good friend of mine and it hurt to see him go through that.

(04-01-2018, 10:49 AM)Vitriol Wrote: I haven't heard of Adam but his story seems fascinating. I'll definitely check it out. I did use suicide as a security. I couldn't go through with it ultimately for several reasons. First, I felt sorry for my parents, because there are few greater pains than your child predeceasing you. For another, my girlfriend would have suffered a lot too. I was too tied to her and was a big part of her life and knew she wouldn't be able to cope. I was already counseling her about her own issues, so for the helper to off himself would have been a gross twist. On top of that, I knew I was fucked up but I wasn't irredeemable, therefore suicide wasn't ever taken seriously as something that might happen. It was more of a very serious intellectual exercise that gave me a sense of security, like you said knowing that you can escape at any time. It can also help with dealing with de-stressing situations that you'd be nervous about, though it's not exactly recommended that everyone forms a suicidal ideation. For a while I did think of making it look like an accident but there was too much of a trail. They'd pull apart my laptops to pieces so I'd have to burn it in a field. They'd trace my internet history and sometimes on non-vpn connections I would make searches relating to suicide, and I can't get rid of what my ISP holds. If I'm using a poison to make everything look as clean as possible, well there's going to be traces of the poision around me, whether in the cup I'm drinking from or the food I'm eating. I can't hide a bottle of something after I'm dead and I can't get rid of traces after I'm dead. So it is very hard for a suicide to come off as an accident. If anyone with a half a brain takes your death seriously (which people will) they'll figure it out really quickly. Nembutal is by far the most painless way to die and the smell is eye-widening. It's ghastly. Even if there's a drop of it left in a cup, people will know whatever it is, it's not meant to be in the human body, and conveniently situated next to a dead person. It was really exciting to research and I learned a lot, similar to how I learned a lot about nutrition during my eating disorder.

Oh i remember having this elaborate plan to run away from home, and just leaving a note saying some shit like "going on an adventure" and then i'd have like timed emails that would be sent to my father every year or something so he could never think i actually ended myself, and i just went to go somewhere else.
ofc that was a lot of effort and i got lazy but its still a future backup plan, even though i guess when your older you don't need to run away from home lol.

But yeah i know an extensive amount of information on suicide now, i think i know most cause and side effects of most drug ODs and other various methods. I remember going to some some extents i'm not proud of, just to find out more.
But its the same with nutrition, but i like that one because its information i can actually use (with healthy intention) to try and live healthier in the future and help others. I never realised how much i was learning until im hearing my friends talk about it and have no clue what even a bmi is, or how important fats are, and i used to see a lot of kids at my boarding school go thru phases where they would hardcore crash diet to lose weight and they would just eat bread rolls or nothing and then binge in the evenings, it made me cringe so much.
I love cooking so much too, like my future family are having the most healthiest and tasty dishes, i will out cook everybody in the neighbourhood and my kids friends will love coming to my house lmao, im getting ahead of myself.

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#69
I’ve been thinking of sui a lot lately 

But just decided to do whatever tf I want instead. Life is just so mundane
How do you guys get over that? Just living repetitive lives like 99% of the population does

being a male sucks so bad
im short-ish and ugly 
just sucks thinking that as a female i would have no problems

catcel
[Image: meow-winner-02-ribshughes.jpg]

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#70
(04-07-2018, 07:27 AM)Looksmaxcel Wrote: I’ve been thinking of sui a lot lately 

But just decided to do whatever tf I want instead. Life is just so mundane
How do you guys get over that? Just living repetitive lives like 99% of the population does

being a male sucks so bad
im short-ish and ugly 
just sucks thinking that as a female i would have no problems

i'd offer advice but considering you think females have no problems you may find mine worthless.

but what in your life are you actually finding problematic, is it really just because your shortish and your 'ugly' (something you can fix). or is it your problems in finding a gf? because it would make more sense your just lonely and you feel that to be the end all.

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#71
(04-07-2018, 08:53 AM)mushroom Wrote: i'd offer advice but considering you think females have no problems you may find mine worthless.

but what in your life are you actually finding problematic, is it really just because your shortish and your 'ugly' (something you can fix). or is it your problems in finding a gf? because it would make more sense your just lonely and you feel that to be the end all.

i didnt mean it like that sorry
i mean i would personally have no problems because the only thing im missing in life is connections with the opposite sex and i dont get that

there is no cure for ugly
i was on tinder for 3 years and got 5 matches with real people in total (rest were bots)
and none of those 5 replied
a 2/10 girl can get 800 matches in a day

i just think 'male privilege' is a fucking joke
80-90% of males live like pure shit


"men age like wine and women age like milk" is more bullshit too since most men go bald making their smv to 0

catcel
[Image: meow-winner-02-ribshughes.jpg]

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#72
(04-07-2018, 09:16 AM)Looksmaxcel Wrote: i didnt mean it like that sorry
i mean i would personally have no problems because the only thing im missing in life is connections with the opposite sex and i dont get that

there is no cure for ugly
i was on tinder for 3 years and got 5 matches with real people in total (rest were bots)
and none of those 5 replied
a 2/10 girl can get 800 matches in a day

i just think 'male privilege' is a fucking joke
80-90% of males live like pure shit


"men age like wine and women age like milk" is more bullshit too since most men go bald making their smv to 0

well i don't believe in male privilege, but i also don't believe a 2/10 female can get 800 matches in a day.

but i also believe there is no reason why somebody born ugly, has to be. I don't believe you can go from a 1/10 to a 10/10 or anything, but i think say if your a 3/10, you can reach at least a 5 or 6. There is so much you can do with your face, even if that means surgery, if that surgery costs money, you make and save that money. I mean your on a site called looksmax, what are you trying to achieve on here?

also has somebody ever rated you on here?

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#73
(04-07-2018, 07:27 AM)Looksmaxcel Wrote: I’ve been thinking of sui a lot lately 

But just decided to do whatever tf I want instead. Life is just so mundane
How do you guys get over that? Just living repetitive lives like 99% of the population does

being a male sucks so bad
im short-ish and ugly 
just sucks thinking that as a female i would have no problems

(04-07-2018, 09:16 AM)Looksmaxcel Wrote: i didnt mean it like that sorry
i mean i would personally have no problems because the only thing im missing in life is connections with the opposite sex and i dont get that

there is no cure for ugly
i was on tinder for 3 years and got 5 matches with real people in total (rest were bots)
and none of those 5 replied
a 2/10 girl can get 800 matches in a day

i just think 'male privilege' is a fucking joke
80-90% of males live like pure shit


"men age like wine and women age like milk" is more bullshit too since most men go bald making their smv to 0


I encourage all men to fraud their looks as much as possible. If women lather on the magic paint to boost themselves anywhere between 2 and 5 points, it's so extreme that I don't even think it's comparable to a male who wears lifts or (realistic) shoulder pads, body shaping garments and so on and so forth. If your eyebrows are inadequate, fill them in. If your hairline is bad, go on the big 3 and/or look into a HT. We live in a highly feminized world now; play the part or fall behind. If every person walked around with their natural genetic expression, the average on the street would be PSL 2 or less. Everyone is frauding. Pick up the controller and play the game or sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else in curious amazement. Walk in the city and you'll see an overwhelming number of women wearing wedding tier heels when they're just going to one uni class. Heightism is currently so pronounced that I think it's affecting women too. 
 
Society discourages the genuine article of anything and those who remain genuine are left behind, don't succeed with the opposite sex and on the broader social arena. People pretend to be rich. They pretend to be good people. Criminals present a veneer of being trustworthy, which helps them commit their crimes. Every professional instagram photo you see has been touched up for hours, and the best photo of hundreds (sometimes thousands; I'm being serious) is chosen. Girls who starve themselves claim to be eating the world and guys who are 3% body fat and 200lbs claim to be completely natural and make videos about why steroid use is so bad (of course they'd know). We live in a world of fakes; you can't destroy the problem, so you must be part of it (at least to a degree).
 
I laugh at most people because their views demand it. We have people who think it's okay to give a child hormones because they're male and feel female or vice versa and three years that child will be staring down the barrel of his father's gun about to blow his head off, because he's irreversibly changed himself into a person who he determined that he isn't and never will be. Where's the transgender advocate in that instance? She's sleeping on a mattress stuffed with cash from all the appearances she's made spreading the devil's gospel. The cruel realities that people face stems from the fundamental indifference people have to one another. Nobody cares if you can't provide value to them. Did anyone care when 12-year-old Katelyn Davis had a rope around her neck? No, people were excitingly watching with anticipation and fascination over a live stream. Does anyone care about the male to female suicide ratio being 4:1? Nobody cares. Does anyone care when a male is falsely accused of rape and loses everything over it? Nobody cares; in fact, it's encouraged in the underlying quasi-feminist (actually) misandrist circles. Does anybody care about the men who go years without female contact? Nobody cares. Does anybody care about males with eating disorders? Nobody cares. Does anybody care what's happening in the third world, beyond a recognition made to make themselves seem like reasonable people? Nobody cares. I don't know how many examples are necessary to substantiate the point enough; nobody cares. Don't wait for them to care because even if you were immortal, self-serving human nature will remain. People don't care, and they never will care. Do we really care about homeless people if we don’t invite them into our houses and give them a place to live? It’s one thing to say we care and quite another to actually care.
 
With the varying treatment between genders, is it misogyny? Is it misandry? What is it? Why is it okay to joke about a man's small penis, but it's not okay to joke about a girl's small boobs without receiving a torrent of disapproval? Why is heightism against men compared to fat shaming against women when they are two markedly different notions, the former largely beyond the individual's control and the latter, largely and usually fully within the individual's control? Why is it okay for a female to fawn over an underage male pop singer and make sexually charged statements towards him, but if a male did that to an underage female singer, he would be condemned, and condemned again. And again. Why is it okay for girls to put photos of themselves in provocative positions; something that is not subject to interpretation, but rather the photo focused entirely on their ass or tits, then assert that male sexuality is characterized by extreme perversion and arbitrary victimization? Why is it that women can demand so much in men, while men who make any demands are shunned and lumped into the feminist-formed "part of the problem" pile? Why is it that women who suffer from sadness will have a team of therapists on their case, while men will opt for suicide because nobody wants to help them, because men cannot suffer? Just think about why the overwhelming majority of suicides are men. Why is it that females who starve themselves have an eating disorder, but males who inject exogenous hormones daily, consider themselves small when they are grotesquely huge, are deemed to be healthy and active gym goers? Why is it that women are free and encouraged to fabricate rape accusations to destroy a male's entire career and men cannot do the same without being laughed at or seriously questioned? Why is it that any minor female problem deserves its own discussion board, movement, political party, news channel, movie, 1000 page novel, while all men are socially instructed to suffer in silence? Why is it okay for a woman to whore herself out for money for luxuries (to get herself through college for example), then complain that she felt objectified? Suffering is relative, but how disconnected from the bigger picture can you really be? If anyone can take a step back, look at all of this and consider that males are privileged, you should fear this person with everything in you. 
 
When I was anorexic most women were repulsed by me and I have a legit nice face. It doesn't matter. Being anorexic is sexual invisibility to most of the female population, barring those with severe mental illnesses. One day I sat with my friend and looked at old messages and compared them to later messages and the invariable pattern was that the girl would outright be disinterested/reject me when I was in the throes of anorexia, but when I started to look normal again, they were the one's messaging me, they were the one's asking me out and the nauseating differences continue from there. Looks aren't everything but minimally acceptable looks are critical. Looks matter equally for both genders, but the threshold is far higher for men. After I met my fiancé I wasn't put in that position anymore because I was off the market, but prior to that, I was so bitter that I would make it a point to talk to as many women as possible when I looked decent, and reject them all. Yes, a very brutal and bitter thing to do, but I was annoyed by the fact that who I was as a person didn't matter, but only how I looked. And this is a harsh reality that males (especially) should come to accept. Seriously I had this complex for a few years where I would spend 2 hours getting ready in the morning, making sure my hair was perfect, apply 3 face masks, make sure everything was flawless, and I would contrast it with super basic clothes (jeans and basic plain shirt). True, a highly metrosexual approach but that's life and I was a bitter person. I would brush off every woman who brushed me off before. I don't encourage this approach; it ultimately stemmed from being young and stupid and thinking I ruled the world.
 
There was once this girl I was really, really into. Seriously I would think about her all day and I was so whipped and that's probably only happened with 3 different girls in my life. Anyway I thought it was pretty mutual because she would compliment me a lot too and a lot of our conversations were approaching x rated territory. Cutting to the chase, she eventually rejected me saying that she had a boyfriend, which I knew was bullshit because there was no evidence of this mystery guy and she wasn't acting like a taken girl. 2 years later I was walking in the city, looking like a serious upgrade from my former self and (most importantly) with a conventionally attractive body. I see this girl. I thought of just ignoring her and continue walking but her eyes locked on mine and there was no coming back. Okay, take a breath. We talk like nothing ever happened. Funnily this chance encounter turned into something like a date. We ate sushi and walked around the harbour. She was extremely clingy too, legit acting like we were going out, and this is a girl who some years earlier had blocked me on facebook LOL. Anyway it was in me to reject her brutally when she escalated on me later by saying "I have a girlfriend", but honestly I couldn't stomach it. Her attitude towards me, whilst altered on her pure vanity, was too nice to turn back on her. Yet another boring, repetitive story from me, but one that shows my experiences with 'lookism' per se.
 
It's very hard to be unacceptably ugly as a female. It's very easy to be sexually invisible as a male. This is simply because society makes qualifications for just about very female aesthetic variation. Height doesn’t matter for them, shoulder width doesn’t matter, the fact that she has a round face doesn’t matter and so on and so forth. For men, you’re either one thing or you’re not. Just get to an anorexic bodyweight if you don't believe me and you can have Gandy's face for all I care; women will not find you attractive because it's not in their biology to like weak men. A strong woman and a weak woman are both positives; society is indifferent. I personally think (straight or bi) male anorexics should give up on women entirely until they choose to change their ways, talking from years of personal experience. It's really that simple. Male ana's have far lower SMV than obese men. The girls who were genuinely interested in me at my anorexic weights were generally insane, or women who were into extreme fem dom stuff (lots of really crazy stories about that which are simply too tasteless to write here). My fiance (then girlfriend) told me that she was repulsed by my body and we rarely had sex back in those days.
 
There aren't many true straight male ana's anyway, so this concerns an extreme minority of guys. Fair enough, I was a mentally ill mess myself, but you don't deal with fire by pouring gasoline all over it. The one girl who wasn't any of the above was someone I never fully understood. She was 28, which would have been 11 or so years older than me, and she was really into me. She wanted an ordinary relationship and all, but I just couldn't do it tbh. She was 28 and I just started uni and that huge experience gap plus the scant chance of a future together turned me away. Brb I'll be 25 and she'll be in her late 30s.  With the exception of her, and honestly, I never understood her full story (she could have had sinister intentions), there was no other woman who was genuinely attracted to me. 
 
I've gone through times of extreme contrasts. I've had times where people treated me nicely, girls approached me, guys didn't mess with me and I've had times where people treated me horribly, girls didn't want anything to do with me and every guy wanted to have a stab or three at me. The 'all or nothing' transition was the direct consequence of my changing looks and absolutely nothing else. My personality remained constant throughout. As a male especially, your looks define your life and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. In the case of eating disorders, being a woman with anorexia or obesity doesn't change your dating prospects significantly. Sure, the quality of guys might change if you're morbidly obese, but love/relationships/sex are still easily obtainable. The final black pill is that there is a huge subgroup of guys who are inadvertently attracted to a frail looking girl, because weakness and lack of musculature is feminine and sometimes that concept still has application when stretched to the extremes. Do experiments with anorexic girls and obese girls and you'll see that they're not that far off the grid from a normal looking girl, maybe a 20% reduction in prospects at the absolute best and even that's probably a serious overstatement. The sex industry is female dominated because men who seek their services can't otherwise get sex; it's really that simple. Someone who can make an online dating profile and fuck a girl tonight isn't going to pay a hooker who has been around the block 5000 times. A woman rarely ever pays a man for sex. It's basically unheard of, following the simplicity of obtaining it free of charge.
 
That's not to say being a female is glamorous. They're superior to us in some respects (chiefly the dating and sex game) but generally they have a litany of issues that we don't and never will fully understand, because the height of understanding is experience, right? 25% of women are prescribed anti-depressants. Just let that sink in. In practice that means every 1 in 4 girls you see is on a soul sucking drug that destroys their brain chemistry long term and nukes their hormones in every negative way conceivable. Estrogen generally isn't a good hormone. It makes you far more emotional and less objective, increasing female susceptibility to severe depression, a constant state of anxiety, low self-esteem that leads them to engage in the toxic hook-up culture, which only reinforces their worthlessness because they feel useful only for sex and never build any meaningful relationships. To cope, they seek more sex and live in the moment of pleasure. In a way, getting sex easily is just as bad as not getting it at all. I agree that the average female life is a better deal than the average male, but only barely. There are a lot of downsides to the female existence; whether these are notionally more difficult to handle compared to the downsides of being a male is highly contentious. Most men might lose their hair, which does take down SMV considerably, but tons of women abuse makeup from a young age and by 25 they look 35 and toxic alcohol culture combined with bad diet that caught up to them meant that they were skinny in their teens but now their body is a mess and they often never redeem themselves. I know plenty of girls who are 20, 21 who look a full 10 years older than they are. Just lol if you think this doesn't bother them and put them in a constant state of stress and anxiety, which only worsens the problem.
 
Hair loss cure for men is on the horizon. Give it 5 more years and we should have a buyable cure. There is no foreseeable cure for skin destroyed by makeup or true "anti-aging". Even the best skin surgeries do little to offset years of makeup abuse. Not to mention that most women are more prone to financial instability because they make their buying decisions more impulsively and emotionally, and they generally have a lot more expenses than men, so even if there was such a treatment it’s unlikely they’d be able to cover the exorbitant expense. The one thing women are completely superior to us in is that people want to save them, help them with their problems and they're never truly alone (unless by choice). The reality of many men is a lot different. That's a heck of a privilege. After all loneliness is the ugliest word in the English language.
 
In saying that, when considering the total puzzle and not just two pieces of it, being female is in most cases better than being male, but only barely. It's not a tremendously good deal, but a slightly better deal. I personally think being a female would be bittersweet. There are definitely negative aspects to it. I personally think I would be a lot more devilish as a female and I would be the ultimate bitch/whore/etc. I think my eating disorder would have spiralled out of control and I would have been on the brink of death. Being a male anorexic is doing something so taboo that you’re implicitly and expressly shunned for it, so to prevent spiralling into insanity, recovery is an attractive route. I wouldn’t have been so fortunate as a fem.
 
Men might live more lonely lives by greater frequency, but they're the only ones who could handle it. I think all women would jump off the nearest cliff if they had the lack of attention from the opposite sex that a lot of men have. That's not a negative statement against women but a realistic one, because they lack the hormonal support that is necessary for a lot of male-specific struggles. Likewise, I think all men would jump off the nearest cliff if they had to endure the estrogen induced emotional elasticity that women exhibit. It’s a hell for everyone but we fight different devils. In a way the cycle of life works like it should in the interest of continuing humanity. We can sit here and debate over who endures a more difficult hell but it’s an exercise in futility and highly individual, that a standardized judgment is precluded.
 
How do you enjoy a repetitive life? You remove the repetition from your life and don’t let your happiness depend on what other people think of you, because even if they think highly of you today, tomorrow is a new day in the ever-changing views of the human psyche. Like I said, fraud your looks as much as possible, exploit all the hair loss medications, go above and beyond to make yourself comfortable with how you look. Take risks, invest your money well to minimize the amount of time you work in your life. People said I would fail the IB, people said I would flunk out of university because I was overloading on units, people said that bitcoin is a scam, people said that real estate will crash 20 years ago, and, in each case, they were horrifically wrong. If I listened to what everyone had to say and followed the herd, I think I would hate my life. Just about all the advice that commoners spread is designed to keep you behind them. Do your own thing, keep your circle of friends very limited, don’t waste time, don’t drink a lot of alcohol, don’t be a drug addict, eat good food, sleep for 8 hours, never fully indulge in pleasure to preserve your dopamine receptors, don’t take people too seriously because they’re a weak human just like you who will be dead and 6ft under the ground in a matter of decades at best.
 
My life got a lot better when I didn’t think about doing things; I just did them. If I wanted to buy something, I wouldn’t contemplate for long and do it. If I wanted to invest in something, I just did it. Indecision conduces a poor quality of life. What are you scared of? Like I said, one day we will all be dead. Your whole body is functioning on some fragile organs that could give out at any time; please get real. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can relax and look at things for what they are, and the sooner you can stop placing so much importance on the disapproval of other people. I don’t contemplate a lot of things because it leads to over analysis, fear and ultimately inhibition.

"Your genes are pretty fucked up I'll tell you that," a poster with an anime avatar told the teen point blank."
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#74
(04-09-2018, 07:41 AM)Vitriol Wrote: Indecision conduces a poor quality of life. What are you scared of? 

I agree with it and see it's true so many times. I think it's good to be thoughtful and analytical more than what you said but also I think focusing on making useful decisions has to be the emphasis and really working for your goals and moving past doubt and delay.
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#75
(04-05-2018, 08:14 PM)mushroom Wrote: sorry for the late reply, i find it hard to find the words sometimes.

i didnt know laxative abuse could do that?  i knew it could do some decent damage long term, like it can really mess up your brain, but i've never heard of anyone having that side effect. Does that cause you any trouble?

That last sentence is the reason i've been called transphobic lmao. I'm not strongly opinionated on many things but this topic really upsets me. I used to be all for this crap when i was younger, used to go to pride, etc. But it never came to mind until i just really thought about the T in lgbt, they group a mental disorder with sexualities, and when you go to pride and they're all parading how gay they are and how great it is, you also have 'trans' (85% im sure are just going thru a phase) people doing the same. The more i thought about that the more messed up i realised it is, its so obviously openly encouraged, especially to very young and impressionable minds. Now the same happens with homosexuality, but there isnt anything wrong with being gay, and growing up you figure out who you like naturally, there is no harm in testing other waters, etc. But then you hear about kids getting hormones, and its praised! Its obviously child abuse to me, and there's nothing i hate more than how easy and encouraged it is to let children make irreversible changes to their body. A lot of things bother be in that community though, its like nobody even talks about curing gender dysphoria, as in therapeutic treatment and such, it seems like the best idea is just skip to transitioning, rather than dealing with the real issue in this persons head, and they wonder why they have such a high chance of attempting suicide.
It just isn't treated like a disorder, its treated like homosexuality.


Ideal end goal tbh, i just want to have a high enough calorie intake that doesn't cause me to die early or hair to fall out, but the main one being is staying fertile, being infertile sounds like one of my worst nightmares tbh. Its already happened to a good friend of mine and it hurt to see him go through that.


Oh i remember having this elaborate plan to run away from home, and just leaving a note saying some shit like "going on an adventure" and then i'd have like timed emails that would be sent to my father every year or something so he could never think i actually ended myself, and i just went to go somewhere else.
ofc that was a lot of effort and i got lazy but its still a future backup plan, even though i guess when your older you don't need to run away from home lol.

But yeah i know an extensive amount of information on suicide now, i think i know most cause and side effects of most drug ODs and other various methods. I remember going to some some extents i'm not proud of, just to find out more.
But its the same with nutrition, but i like that one because its information i can actually use (with healthy intention) to try and live healthier in the future and help others. I never realised how much i was learning until im hearing my friends talk about it and have no clue what even a bmi is, or how important fats are, and i used to see a lot of kids at my boarding school go thru phases where they would hardcore crash diet to lose weight and they would just eat bread rolls or nothing and then binge in the evenings, it made me cringe so much.
I love cooking so much too, like my future family are having the most healthiest and tasty dishes, i will out cook everybody in the neighbourhood and my kids friends will love coming to my house lmao, im getting ahead of myself.

It doesn't affect me that much tbh. I don't know what else I could attribute to, as the insensitivity arose right after a laxative incident where I took a handful of laxatives when I was already dehydrated. In total it's very easy to ignore, but it's still somewhat annoying not to feel anything there. Overall I would put laxative abuse as one of the most dangerous ED behaviors that one can engage in. It surpasses restriction and arguably purging because the effects accumulate very quickly. It might take you a year of solid restriction to be in a dangerous place but 2 months abusing laxatives every day or every other day will absolutely destroy someone. Dehydration is probably the most common reason people die from ED's and laxative abuse is a surefire way of dehydrating yourself. In the way of science, I would say chew/spit is the least destructive behavior in that there are no substantive dangers of doing it long term other than unsupported anecdotal evidence, but it's a dirty, highly addictive, and potentially expensive habit. If you chew for too long you can cause tooth damage but few people will have this issue. People have claimed to get a stomach ulcer from it, but they usually cite a study that says an equally strong response is produced from smelling food, so everyone who works in a restaurant should have a severe stomach ulcer, but that's not what we see. I had my own stint with chew/spit and wouldn't recommend it but it's on the safer side of things. It will consume you and all your time though.

I always found that bizarre too; that they'd lump transgenders with sexuality. It's perplexing but just part of the leftist agenda that seeks to imply that transgenders should be treated with the same seriousness as different sexualities, following with the suggestion that there is a right to transition just as there is a right to same-sex marriage or whatever other implications flow from LGB. Transgenders are really over-represented in suicide statistics and this isn't a mystery. If someone elects to play with the hormones of their own gender, they're subject to emotional instability. If one elects to play with the hormones of the opposite gender, they're rolling the dice with their life. We weren't meant to overload the female body with male hormones and vice versa; the body perpetually has a difficult time re-balancing everything, and in that process, the suicidal thoughts and the hopelessness sets in. Once I took too much of an aromatase inhibitor for bodybuilding purposes and I was, for no reason, life going well, on the verge of suicide. Hormones succeed over everything else in how you feel. Playing with them is a dirty game.

We live in the best age for freedom of expression because the gender roles are so blurred now. If a girl is more masculine, nobody thinks twice about it like they would 30 years ago. If a guy wears makeup, nobody thinks twice of it like they did 30 years ago even if it's still a bit shunned. Taking hormones to become the opposite gender because you have some male interests as a female or vice versa is ridiculous and nonsensical in the extreme. Some guys would love to be girls and some girls would love to be guys, but the cruel reality is that our gender is unalterable, set completely in stone and trying to superimpose levels of hormones that don't sync with our biological structures only causes chaos. So many transgenders decide sometimes 5 years down the track that they made a huge mistake. Welp, that's 5 years on high amounts of hormones which is going to cause permanent physical and mental changes, more so if they were taken in puberty which is becoming increasingly common. The reality is that teenagers follow what other teenagers do and with the internet there's a huge platform of transgenders making videos after videos, tumblr post after tumblr post, showing people that transitioning is possible and great, and mindlessly these kids will follow in their footsteps, never fully appreciating the long term implications of their split second decision. Most of these children are just starting to go through puberty and experiencing all the insecurities that we all did and they might be so unsure of themselves that transitioning seems like a more appealing idea than it would be to a 35 year old. 

You'll see that someone who is transgender generally had a lot of preexisting mental issues, which almost always contributes to their identity ambivalence and cements the transitioning decision. If I'm drunk and high on drugs, how reliable are my decisions going to be, as it relates to my capacity to properly assess the situation before me? Not very reliable. Likewise, if someone is a mental mess, their thoughts will influence the analysis of the environment before them, rendering their decisions perverted at best. Most people who advocate for transgenders are doing so because they make money from appearances or have some kind of ulterior political aspiration involved. If you live in a suburb inundated with people in support of transgender rights and you want to run for council, you'll show your support for them so you can win the local vote. It's really that simple. As the older generation dies out, the acceptability of gender transitioning and similarly insane notions will increase, and we'll be left with the triggered tumblr culture to rule our world. The future of the world isn't nice. The internet was the final gunshot to society in terms of allowing stupidity to proliferate on a global scale. The endless spam, the saturation of misguided facts, the unending stream of twelve year old's who want to rewrite science and history; it's all a mess and it's really sad. The internet does more harm than good but it can never be eradicated because it's become so foundational to our society that many things would collapse without it. 

I'm lucky I didn't become infertile, but I was probably close. If my behaviors remained restrictive for another year or so I probably would have been screwed. Honestly I was lucky in a lot of respects that I mostly avoided a lot of disasters and got myself out of the one's I was already in (chiefly laxative abuse). I was in the supermarket yesterday and almost choked when I saw laxatives, because it reminded me of such bad times lmao. Also I find that I can't eat certain foods without having horrible memories. I used to chronically binge on peanut butter ice cream and I felt so uneasy when I was eating it again the other day. Places too remind me of bad times, like cake merchant. Once I ordered an entire caramel cake, even got the guy to write happy birthday on it (it wasn't my birthday lol) and I chew/spat the entire thing. Really sad lmao. Once I randomly binged on my dad's birthday cake the night before his birthday. It was 1AM, I got up and I was in a binge frenzy, so I just said fuck it, and ate some of the cake, chew spitting the remainder. I got a new cake made for him by the morning and nobody noticed. I think the writing was blue instead of gold, and my dad keyed on it, "I thought the writing was gold". This was maybe 2 years into my ED. I have so many bad stories lol. One time my sink got clogged because of chew/spit and I had to play plumber myself because I didn't have it in me to call someone and say "hey, there's half eaten food clogging my sink". Then there was that time I shoplifted and was chased by 2 guys all the way down the street outside the store LOL. I remember the store owner asked me "are you a professional thief?" because I was wearing a really expensive watch (it was my dad's) and because I had a lot of money on me. He was convinced that I was this crazy mastermind.

"Your genes are pretty fucked up I'll tell you that," a poster with an anime avatar told the teen point blank."
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#76
(04-09-2018, 10:20 AM)Vitriol Wrote: It's really that simple. As the older generation dies out, the acceptability of gender transitioning and similarly insane notions will increase, and we'll be left with the triggered tumblr culture to rule our world. The future of the world isn't nice. The internet was the final gunshot to society in terms of allowing stupidity to proliferate on a global scale. The endless spam, the saturation of misguided facts, the unending stream of twelve year old's who want to rewrite science and history; it's all a mess and it's really sad. The internet does more harm than good but it can never be eradicated because it's become so foundational to our society that many things would collapse without it.

hm you say this, and i do agree with you here. But sometimes i wonder if it will all go backwards on itself, like in time whats true will shine through. This may be naive thinking, but I've seen an increase in the amount of people going against the left, majority of them being the younger generation, however the older generation i have just seen become dumber and more left imo. British daytime television is some of the worst I've come across, the wage gap has been plastered all over the media recently and the other day on this morning talk show, this polish man was just there to explain why the wage gap doesn't exist and he was thrown with irrelevant insults and treated like some piece of shit on live tv.
The direction our society is heading, i just cant accept that it will go that way much longer, something will stop it because were only going to become weaker and weaker as time goes on. I don't know what that will be though, maybe one day traditional values will make a comeback, but i dunno tbh.

(04-09-2018, 10:20 AM)Vitriol Wrote: I'm lucky I didn't become infertile, but I was probably close. If my behaviors remained restrictive for another year or so I probably would have been screwed. Honestly I was lucky in a lot of respects that I mostly avoided a lot of disasters and got myself out of the one's I was already in (chiefly laxative abuse). I was in the supermarket yesterday and almost choked when I saw laxatives, because it reminded me of such bad times lmao. Also I find that I can't eat certain foods without having horrible memories. I used to chronically binge on peanut butter ice cream and I felt so uneasy when I was eating it again the other day. Places too remind me of bad times, like cake merchant. Once I ordered an entire caramel cake, even got the guy to write happy birthday on it (it wasn't my birthday lol) and I chew/spat the entire thing. Really sad lmao. Once I randomly binged on my dad's birthday cake the night before his birthday. It was 1AM, I got up and I was in a binge frenzy, so I just said fuck it, and ate some of the cake, chew spitting the remainder. I got a new cake made for him by the morning and nobody noticed. I think the writing was blue instead of gold, and my dad keyed on it, "I thought the writing was gold". This was maybe 2 years into my ED. I have so many bad stories lol. One time my sink got clogged because of chew/spit and I had to play plumber myself because I didn't have it in me to call someone and say "hey, there's half eaten food clogging my sink". Then there was that time I shoplifted and was chased by 2 guys all the way down the street outside the store LOL. I remember the store owner asked me "are you a professional thief?" because I was wearing a really expensive watch (it was my dad's) and because I had a lot of money on me. He was convinced that I was this crazy mastermind.

Oh god i have the same bad memories whenever i see mushrooms. The summer i made this account, i was going through my worst b/p phase, so for about 2 months i just b/p mushrooms and maybe toast like 5x a day everyday and now every time i taste them, it just tastes like vomit because of how much i tasted it coming back up. Which is a shame because i love mushrooms, but they will just never be the same now.
Oh and one time i clogged the shower drain with mushrooms and thats the story of how my dad found out about it, my dad had to unclog it ohmygod i think i only have traumatic memories with mushrooms.
I remember being into c/s before i got better at purging, its a pretty wasteful habit but it never really became a big one for me just because it didn't give me the full feeling of binging.

I don't remember when but i remember that cake story lmao.

[Image: tumblr_inline_mgr5zeIMn71qcqwuv.gif]
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#77
If men should be able to handle these double-standards with looks, I am not very manly lol.

I even have a girlfriend, who i am fairly certain finds me attractive. But knowing that her friends and like 95% of women in general find me undateable or ugly/unattractive because of my looks does make me VERY bitter and depressed.

I understand that ugly women also have a hard time with this same issue, but its like I can't even complain as a man. I am told to get over it, or that its not that bad, or that girls like "nice guys" lol. Then these same women after telling me things like height and looks dont matter, make fun of shorter guys right in front of my face, or call dudes ugly in passing. Like wtf?

I also feel like men are more capped with looksmaxing. Make-up is a god-send to women. Women can achieve being acceptable by simply being thin and wearing make-up. Most anyways, there are some women with clear facial growth issues like a recessed chin/jaw that hurt them too, but I find the bar is wayyy lower.

I am stuck at a weak 5'7 (170cm). My shoulders are only average and my face is barley average. From this description alone I would imagine 95%+ of women find me sexually repulsive.  If I slaved in the gym and got 10% BF and became fit maybe that number would budge to like 90% +like mayyyybbbee. This would also require me to keep my hair and hairline as it is.

I can only fraud so much, and when I get caught frauding its almost unbearable. One of my girlfriends friends found lifts in my shoes LOL. Fuck was that humiliating. I cant imagine what they would say if they found I was wearing a bodysuit. I was also told I fill in my brows( I get them dyed/tinted), that was somewhat humiliating and was called gay.

I get humiliated for trying to look and feel my best. Like they want me to stay down, but they can wear make-up and fraud proportions/height with heels all day. 

I just dont think many women would understand, as many think guys have it sooo good lol. When ever I tell a women i feel like they might be more privileged they think Im crazy and delusional. 

At least you guys here understand, I feel like I will be bitter for life. Not sure how I can cope. I am doomed to a life because of my looks and there is no way to change it. I can fraud and do some work but it wont amount to much. 

Sorry for the rant, and I dont mean to put down women with this. I just think they dont really understand how hard guys can have it sometimes.
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#78
(04-09-2018, 02:31 PM)HopeDontCope Wrote: I can only fraud so much, and when I get caught frauding its almost unbearable. One of my girlfriends friends found lifts in my shoes LOL. Fuck was that humiliating.

How did that happen? Did the lifts add too much height?


I was considering them before but I'll stick to thick soled footwear now.

300 mg/w testosterone E
1 mg/w anastrozole
35 mg/w finasteride
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#79
They did add significant height, true 2 inches.

Most lifts that advertise 2 inches normally really give you 1.3" at best if you actually measure yourself as the heel compresses significantly. Just like people say there timbs gives them two inches but thats pretty bull, they give about an inch and a half tops.

She didnt notice while I was wearing them but after I took them off, she seen the lifts inside of my boots lol. She also knew about lifts because her boyfriend wears them apparently. She spotted them and asked wait are those lifts?

Most people genuinely dont notice the 2 inches of height you gain/lose after you take off/on the shoes + lifts. Its never happend and I wear them often. 

I am thinking in situations where I must remove shoes I will place a dr.shols orthodic pad on top of the lifts to cover them if someone would peer into the sole of my shoe.
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#80
(04-09-2018, 02:31 PM)HopeDontCope Wrote: If men should be able to handle these double-standards with looks, I am not very manly lol.

I even have a girlfriend, who i am fairly certain finds me attractive. But knowing that her friends and like 95% of women in general find me undateable or ugly/unattractive because of my looks does make me VERY bitter and depressed.

I understand that ugly women also have a hard time with this same issue, but its like I can't even complain as a man. I am told to get over it, or that its not that bad, or that girls like "nice guys" lol. Then these same women after telling me things like height and looks dont matter, make fun of shorter guys right in front of my face, or call dudes ugly in passing. Like wtf?

I also feel like men are more capped with looksmaxing. Make-up is a god-send to women. Women can achieve being acceptable by simply being thin and wearing make-up. Most anyways, there are some women with clear facial growth issues like a recessed chin/jaw that hurt them too, but I find the bar is wayyy lower.

I am stuck at a weak 5'7 (170cm). My shoulders are only average and my face is barley average. From this description alone I would imagine 95%+ of women find me sexually repulsive.  If I slaved in the gym and got 10% BF and became fit maybe that number would budge to like 90% +like mayyyybbbee. This would also require me to keep my hair and hairline as it is.

I can only fraud so much, and when I get caught frauding its almost unbearable. One of my girlfriends friends found lifts in my shoes LOL. Fuck was that humiliating. I cant imagine what they would say if they found I was wearing a bodysuit. I was also told I fill in my brows( I get them dyed/tinted), that was somewhat humiliating and was called gay.

I get humiliated for trying to look and feel my best. Like they want me to stay down, but they can wear make-up and fraud proportions/height with heels all day. 

I just dont think many women would understand, as many think guys have it sooo good lol. When ever I tell a women i feel like they might be more privileged they think Im crazy and delusional. 

At least you guys here understand, I feel like I will be bitter for life. Not sure how I can cope. I am doomed to a life because of my looks and there is no way to change it. I can fraud and do some work but it wont amount to much. 

Sorry for the rant, and I dont mean to put down women with this. I just think they dont really understand how hard guys can have it sometimes.


you have a girlfriend so you shouldnt be upset imho

you might get the impression that girls arent attracted to you if you use online dating
online dating is shit for 90% of men 
if you're not chadlite level there's no point doing experiments/trying to get girls from online dating
futile task

I fucking hate tinder so much tbh, made all girls into whores

"People said I couldn't get shredded. What the fuck am I now?" - Chestbrah
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